WHAT I OWE MY MOTHER
(Momisms)

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it  outside.  I just finished cleaning."

My mother  taught me RELIGION. 
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

My  mother taught me LOGIC.  
"Because I said so, that's  why."

My mother taught me MORE  LOGIC. 
"If you fall out of that swing and break your  neck, you're not going to the store with me."

My mother taught me FORESIGHT.  
"Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident."

My  mother taught me IRONY.  
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.  
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.  
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

My mother taught me about STAMINA.    
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

My mother taught me about WEATHER.    
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

My mother taught me about  HYPOCRISY.   
 "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. 
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. 
"Just wait until we get home."

My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. 
"If you don't stop crossing  your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

My mother taught me HUMOR. 
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

My mother taught me GENETICS. 
"You're just like your father."

My mother taught me about my ROOTS. 
"Shut  that door behind you.  Do you think you were born in a barn?"

My mother taught me WISDOM. 
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

My Mother taught me ESP. 
"Put your sweater on; don't you think that I know when you're cold?"

My Mother taught me TO MEET A CHALLENGE. 
"What were you thinking?  Answer me when I talk to you... Don't talk back to me!"

MY Mother taught me PATIENCE.  
"Sure, you can do that. As soon as you're 21 and leave the house!"

My Mother taught me DIPLOMACY. 
"I don't want to hear who started it, It takes two to fight."

My Mother taught me SHARING. 
"Play nicely with that or I'll just take it away from both of you."

My Mother taught me ETIQUETTE.  
"Use your fork! If I see that hand on the table again, I'll slap it!"

My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

My mother taught me TO THINK AHEAD. 
"If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job!"

My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

My mother taught  me about JUSTICE. 
"One day you'll have kids and I hope they turn out just like you!"

But most of all, my mother taught me LOVE. 
"You know that whatever you do or whatever happens, I'll stand behind you because I love you."